i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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