just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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