So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
