I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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