Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
