oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Boobs speak an international language.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
