More tranny stories later!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
