My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
