I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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