Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize