I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
