I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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