Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize