We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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