Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
