Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
