Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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