if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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