3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
