hotel room ftw
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
