first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
