Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
