We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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