She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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