It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
