Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
