Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
