does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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