3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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