At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
