After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
