Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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