clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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