I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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