Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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