I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
