Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize