I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
