Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
