I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
