Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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