I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
