READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
