You're completely useless in the revolution.
I could make wine with my vomit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
