forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
