No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
