I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
