She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
