the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
