i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
