Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
3 2 1 whiskey
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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