The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I smell like Dick and happiness
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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