so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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