and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
