I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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