TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
