the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
