He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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