Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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