The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
NoShamevember. You game?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
